I'm making a confession here. I'm actually a loser. I cant motivate myself and I'm always out to find the shortest way out. So much so for trying to be the fireball which triggers everyone's desire(WHAT SHITS), I failed teribly today. I'm so not motivated myself to begin with. Why is that. I really dont know. ):
I can only sigh, swear and what else.
Boooooo. Anyway, like what I said in my past post. I felt like a wuss thinking of quiting. I hate it man. Why cant every training be good so that I dont feel miserable, demoralised and wont fall into the vicious cycle of even more bad sets.
I know everyone feels the same way, very tired, very shagged out. But somehow I cant help but sympathise myself for putting myself in this state. RAAAAAHHHHH.
Today is the day, I am challenged, mentally. And I lost the fight. I gave in to fatigue. I gave up trying. What happened to WE GIVE EVERYTHING BUT UP SIGH. Not that I'm remorseful and wished I hadnt done all that. But I can still feel how terrible I felt then, I think I couldnt have given more. I may be wrong. But who knows me better. I'm just feeling really frustrated, like REALLY REALLY frustrated. ARGGHHH.
I'm scared now. Not for the race, because I know I have 21 others pushing with me. But for myself. How far can I push my limits. I know giving up is for losers. But when you're weak mentally and is already a loser, I cant help it. HOW HOW HOW!
I never felt so fearful. Perhaps its because I feel that everyone is giving so much that I'm feeling the pressure. I dont know what I want now.
Sometimes I feel that I'm not cut out to play any sport. Because I'm fucking lazy. A total bummmer. AHHHHHH, I think I should do what I'm best at, SLEEEEEEEEEEP like a fucking waste.
Life's bleak.
Help me let go
Of the chaos around me
The devil that hounds me
I need you to tell me